By Karen Arndt, Co-founder, Whatwouldajudgesay.com
& Robin Leonard, Founder, HisJourney.org
Let’s Be Honest: Divorce Is Brutal—for Everyone. But for Men, It’s Often Silent Too.
Steps for men in divorce can feel overwhelming—emotionally, legally, and financially. When your identity, routines, and finances are suddenly upended, it’s hard to know what to do next. This guide outlines the key actions every man should consider during separation and beyond, to regain clarity, confidence, and control.
The grief. The loss of identity. The financial panic. The disorientation.
And the terrifying sense that you’re meant to just “man up” and carry on.
At HisJourney.org, we’ve spoken to hundreds of men who didn’t just lose their marriage—they lost their place in the world. As one man put it:
“I didn’t just lose my wife. I lost my weekends, my routine, my home—and myself.”
So we built this guide to say: you’re not alone, and there are practical, simple steps to protect your mental health, money, and future.
Whether you’re in that gut-wrenching early stage of separation, knee-deep in the legal process, or trying to rebuild afterward—this is for you. These essential steps for men in divorce will help you regain clarity, confidence, and control.
Step 1: Breathe. You’ve Just Heard “We Need to Talk.”
That phrase is enough to knock the wind out of your lungs.
You might feel angry, numb, panicked, ashamed, or all of the above. But before you do anything else: breathe.
Don’t lash out. Take a pause before you pack a bag. And skip Googling divorce lawyers in a rage. These early hours matter—and they’re the first of several critical steps for men in divorce.
Instead, take 72 hours to calm your nervous system. Talk to a trusted friend. Go for a walk. Sleep. Eat. Stay sober.
This first pause is crucial. You need a level head for what comes next.
Step 2: Get a Clear Picture of Your Finances
Divorce is emotional—but money is where the damage happens.
Here’s what we know:
- In the UK, the average cost of divorce is £44,000 per couple.
- Financial stress is the second biggest cause of divorce, after infidelity.
- Most men we speak to have no idea what’s really going out each month.
- And only 3% of couples aged 50+ seek financial advice at the point of separation. That’s a missed opportunity.
These financial steps for men in divorce are vital for long-term security. So, what should you do next?
✅ Action: Book a session with an Independent Financial Advisor (IFA)
Not a lawyer. A financial advisor.
They’ll help you:
- List assets and debts (property, pensions, savings, loans, credit cards)
- Understand what you can afford if one of you moves out
- Plan a monthly budget and avoid panic spending
- Protect your credit rating and stop financial infidelity
Pro tip: In the UK, you can even register with the Vulnerability Registration Service to add a digital flag on your name—so lenders will double-check before approving joint credit.
Step 3: Protect Your Legal Position
You don’t need to run to court straight away. In fact, the new UK Pre-Action Protocol requires you to try alternatives first.
So if you want legal clarity without conflict, platforms like WhatWouldAJudgeSay.com offer a direct, judge-led opinion on your financial settlement—no court, no conflict, no hidden costs.
Why does that matter? Because:
- The court backlog means a typical divorce takes 69 weeks
- Traditional litigation can eat up 25–40% of your marital pot
- One UK couple spent £600,000 in fees… and walked away with £5,000 each
Avoid that.
✅ Action: Start with financial disclosure
Don’t avoid the paperwork. Your full financial picture is the key to a faster, cheaper resolution.
Step 4: Separate the Emotion from the Admin
You’ll feel like your whole world is falling apart. But at the same time, you’ll need to:
- Redirect your income to a solo account
- Put spending limits on joint accounts
- Check all utility bills and direct debits are covered
- Update life insurance and will details
- Document everything
Managing joint accounts is one of the most overlooked steps for men in divorce. It’s not romantic. It’s not dramatic. But it’s what keeps your life functioning during the storm.
If you’ve got children, this step matters even more. Because being a dad through divorce means staying stable—even when everything else feels unstable.
Step 5: Don’t Skip the Grieving Process
One of the most damaging things men do during divorce? Skipping the grief.
We get back to work. Hit the gym. Try dating again. Tell ourselves it’s fine.
But beneath that is unprocessed loss, which shows up later as anger, depression, insomnia—or worse.
In fact, research shows divorced men are 10x more likely to need therapy than married men:
- Have a 250% higher mortality rate
- Experience severe long-term health issues when they don’t address the emotional fallout
You are not weak for feeling this. You’re human. Grieving is one of the most overlooked steps for men in divorce, yet it’s crucial for long-term emotional recovery.
✅ Action: Join a support group or anonymous men’s forum
Platforms like HisJourney.org offer confidential spaces to vent, grieve, ask, or just read. You’re not expected to have all the answers. You just have to show up.
Step 6: Don’t Rush Into a New Relationship
It’s tempting. You want to feel seen again. Wanted. Safe.
But jumping into a new relationship during (or immediately after) divorce often leads to more heartbreak—and more confusion. Statistically, second marriages fail at even higher rates than first ones.
You need time. Time to rebuild. To rediscover who you are outside the role of husband or provider. That self-knowledge is priceless.
Step 7: Rebuilding With Intention — Final Steps for Men in Divorce
Here’s the truth: there is life after divorce.
We’ve lived it. And we’ve seen people recover and thrive in a way which they never thought possible.
Karen rebuilt her life after an international divorce, with a toddler in tow. Robin watched his friend go through the darkest time of his life and emerge stronger.
We’ve seen men:
- Start businesses
- Rekindle relationships with their kids
- Heal friendships
- Redefine masculinity on their own terms
But none of that happens by accident. It starts with clarity, strategy, support—and giving yourself permission to feel.
🎧 Listen and Explore
This article is just the start of the conversation. Robin and Karen go deeper in our podcast series, where we explore the emotional, financial, and legal realities of divorce—specifically for men.
You can choose how you listen:
👉 Tune into the full-length episode for the complete journey, or
👉 Skip to specific questions and answers as they come up in your own situation—whether it’s “What should I do in the first 72 hours?” or “What are the common issues men face when navigating divorce?”
Quick disclaimer: everything we talk about here should be double-checked with a lawyer or financial advisor in your own country—laws and rules can vary, so always get advice that’s tailored to you.
Full episode on YouTube here :
Final Word: You Don’t Need to Do This Alone
The emotional and legal steps for men in divorce are equally important. Whether you’re in the early shock phase or facing the final settlement—you are not alone.
We created Whatwouldajudgesay.com and HisJourney.org to fill the gap. Legal clarity. Emotional safety. Financial transparency. And a space where men don’t have to pretend to be fine.
Because you’re not broken.
You’re just at a turning point.
And with the right help, this ending could be the start of your best chapter yet.
📍 Need help right now?
👉 Visit HisJourney.org or visit The Fork In the Road Podcast series
👉 Explore WhatWouldAJudgeSay.com – For a clear legal roadmap
These steps for men in divorce aren’t just theory—they’re the start of real change. Let’s get you through this—together.